My son was walking through the house today singing, “Deeper, Deeper, I want to go Deeper…” Man that just stopped me in my tracks – COLD…
God, right now I don’t feel as though I can go much deeper. Deeper is cold. Deeper is hidden. Deeper hurts. Deeper is scary. I am not sure what I will find there. I am not sure what You will find. Deeper brings great fear to my heart and soul right now. God I want the easy answer, the surface to be redone, not the inside to be redone.
But Lord, I want You more! I want to be a reflection of You more than of myself! I want to be like You Jesus!
Okay Lord, I give up! I give You the deep of me! The place that is cold and hidden. That place that is protected from other people that have cold and hidden places. Lord, can You remove the fear and replace it with LOVE? Lord, can You remove the pride and replace it with LOVE? Lord, can You take the unknown story, and fill it with the assurance that is only the Joy of my Salvation in you? Lord, can You take that deep bitter root, that I keep trying to kill in my own power? Can You kill it so that it is really dead – no life – no resurrection? Lord will You take those moments of immense fear and anger and regret and pity – and turn them to LOVE and JOY, TRUST and FREEDOM, GRACE and MERCY?
Lord, what I really crave right now – not an assignment, not a job, not a place, not a person – I really crave – LOVE – so deep – YOUR PRESENCE – Jesus, You are love – Jesus, You are my deep desire! Lord, I desire Your grace, Your mercy, Your LOVE to cover me!
Yet Jesus, I need You to know something. There is this deep flow in my spirit that continually tries to consume me. It’s life source is not from You, but from the enemy of Your dreams and desires for my life. It continually desires to place me ahead of You. It so wants to be the object of affection that is fleeting and selfish. This flow is not like a spring formed in the mountain that flows to the mountain side – cool and refreshing, pure and untainted, filling and from a life giving life source. This flow is more like a murky stream, ill-colored and smeared with sinful flesh, smelly and life draining, filled with fear and unknown consequences that only lead to death. Take this flow that comes from the enemy of my soul and make it new. Take the life source of this stream and reroute it from You – my true Life Source. The Creator of the heavens and earth. The Author of all cool mountain springs. The Creator of me. The Author and the Finisher of my Faith and Lover of my soul. As You clean the life source of this spring, take out all the impurities of my mind and heart from this spring. Make my soul clean and pure before You and You alone! Fill it with You – Jesus – Love – Faith – Grace – Mercy!
Jesus, call me to the deep waters, take me from the shallows. I want to go there in the midst of being displaced. I will trust You in the midst of my questions. Call me to the place I can only trust in You. Call me to the place that scientists marvel at Your attention to detail and beauty. Take me to the place where the pressure is so great, if it weren’t for Your Presence, I would burst. Take me to the secret place where Your Spirit hovers and covers all. Take me to the place where You are. I want to go there, just You and me. I want to lay in Your arms and just know the intimacy of My Father’s Love – for me. I want to experience Your Love in a way that only your presence can flow through me!
Fear be gone! I am going to tread the water of the unknown. Loneliness be gone! In the mystery of your presence, my faith in You sustains me. Pride be gone! I am Yours, and You are mine!
Let my trust not have the boarders this world tries to place on You! Spirit Lead Me! Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. Let my faith be made stronger in the presence of You Jesus! Love cover and transform me! Grace abound in the deep! Lead me to the place where Your sovereignty is the only source!
Lord I call on You! I will keep my eyes on You! My soul rests in Your embrace and Your work in me!
I am Yours! And You are mine!
